Children who find other ways

Children will find an alternative way to prove the authenticity of advice...

I confess that before being the father of a wonderful son, I believed I could mold him to my beliefs. Even with good intentions, I thought it would be possible to make him mature according to ethical and moral standards that I valued.

Helping him to build his personality was a responsibility that I assumed as a duty, because the teachings passed down by my generation did not deal with failures and therefore, raising a child in this way was a personal challenge.

Big mistake!

From the moment I met him during our coexistence and after experiencing confusing and frustrating moments during his relative maturation, I realized that practicing such an idea would be like trying to take away his freedom through a cage.

Can a father or mother stop a child from being who he really is?

Never.

It is possible that a tutor influences the way of thinking of his offspring, but this does not mean that this influence controls him at times of emotional peaks. Somehow, the children will find an alternative way to prove the authenticity of advice given by their caregivers, even though there is great harmony between the parties.

“We break our faces” when we make sure that adding obstacles along the way can even result in cognitive and behavioral consequences, but not in the construction of the being.

So, I say that we don't have the power to build anyone up and if this is not understood, there will still be many frustrated parents who blame their children for taking different paths.

A little bird that finds itself trapped knows that it cannot fly, but it will never stop singing.

This is a reality that does not claim the influencing power of a trainer. We, parents, tend to intervene in decision-making and – often – without any dialogue to substantiate our intention, until we realize that our responsibility boils down to providing opportunities and guidance that help them discover themselves.

We are not our children's owners, but providers of love and affection.

The mission of parents is, therefore, to lead their children to find their own paths.

Anderson Cruz.

Writer, therapist and graduate student in philosophy.